Long time no see (it really has been a while!!) I hope life is going well for you all, that you’re well, happy and healthy. I just want to take a line or two to thank all of you who read my blog, share it, follow me on social media or know me 😉 your support means a lot xxx
Anyway, lets move on with the post (which I am currently writing whilst surrounded by all the work from uni that I am putting off!)
Tomorrow I turn 20!
So this blog post is gunna be a bit of looking back over this last year, using this beautiful quote and picture by the AMAZING Morgan Harper-Nichols.
(Morgan’s quotes are absolutely amazing, she has a quote or poem for every situation in life. They’re amzing for self reflection!!) Her instagram is @morganharpernichols
So below is my yearly summary based on her beautiful work:
She does not know what the future holds, but she is still gratefull for slow and steady growth.
This year has been crazy. I barely recognise myself when I look back at who I was this time last year. This was me, aged 18 and 364 days, in a strange city ‘alone’. My birthday was just 6 days after I moved in to my first year at university, in a city where I knew no one. I had a rough start to uni, difficult (to say the least) flatmates, intense anxiety and a feeling of failure. I felt I had failed. I had tried so hard to come to uni, to try and become this ‘normal’ 18 year old who didn’t feel anxious about absolutely everything. I fely angry with myself at how unsure of life I was, how I rang my Dad crying most days, just wishing I could ‘grew up and get on with it’.
This was me, this time last year, dreading of spending my birthday with friends who I’d only known for 5 days. Wishing I was with my family, my friends from home.
Since that day so much has gone on. (My birthday was actually quite nice). Some significant things:
* This time last year I had spent a week highly anxious, anxiety levels higher than they had been since the period of my life where I really struggled. Yet here I am, exactly a year later feeling better than I’ve felt in a long time. I have birthday plans spanning the next 3 days, seeing my fab uni friends and my family. I have some amazing projects coming up in the next few months, using my experiences to promote body positivity (more to be revealed soon!) and I’ve just started my second year of training to be an Occupational Therapist.
* Life isn’t always great, there have been periods this year where I have really struggled. I am so lucky to have an amzing family around me, and friends who I’ve met both this year and not who have helped pick me up along the way. So here’s a lil shoutout to you if you’re reading (you know who you are 😉 )
* Since turning 19 I have been incredibly lucky to have participated in some brilliant projects, working with some of the best promoters of self love, body positivity and body diversity. I feel incredibly grateful to all those I have worked with, who have collaborated with me and who have seen sometjing in me that many people struggle to see. You guys are awesome, I am eternally grateful and am loving this new chapter of my life, trying to promote these great ideals and causes.
* In this last year of my life, I have started AND completed my first year of uni! I’m not very good at looking back on things and being positive when it comes to myself and my achievements. I think self praise can be hard for many people, especially people who have struggled with their identity, and acknowledging their self worth- but I am able to say that I am PROUD OF MYSELF AND HOW FAR I HAVE COME. If I had written this post 2 years ago, or even last year, I’m pretty sure I would not have thought that I would be sat here now in my uni house, reflecting on actually completing first year. I did it. It was hard, there were setbacks, and I’m sure there will be days where new setbacks may occur, but I know that I am strong enough to deal with them, and put myslef first. (Amen to that!!)
* Recently my family and I moved house, moved city. We moved from a place that took a while to settle in, but for me felt like home, to somewhere completely new where none of us had ever lived before. Last time we moved, I feared it would break me. It was nearing the end f the epriod of time in my life where I was really struggling with my mental health, and I was not coping well at all. I’m proud to say, that first moved knocked me but didn’t break me, and this recent move will certainly not break me. We move as a family, remain as a family.
So here is a massive shoutout to all the people who have made my 19th year of life pretty great. Everyone at home, everyone in Norwich, everyone at uni and all those beyond who have prayed for me, thought of me and been there for me. You guys have been a massive part of journey this year, and supported me through my personal growth.
Here is me, on the 365th day of being 19. I’m sat at my desk, at uni, typing away about my year. It’s been great, it’s sucked. It’s been beautiful and dark. It’s been a year!
I am so grateful for another year here, I don’t take for granted that I’m still here. As I reflect on turning 20 I look back to some of my darkest days, and I feel this immense sadness at how I felt, and an extreme amount of gratitude to those who kept me going, and got me to where I am today.
So this is me, nearly 20 (does that count as a real adult?!) and really feeling like I’ve procrastinated long enough and should probably do some work before I go and celebrate tomorrow!
Here are some highlights from being #19. Enjoy 🙂
I am grateful for my slow and steady growth this past year, and hope it may continue into the next chapter of my life. I don’t know what the future holds, but I am very grateful for it alreday.